away messages that dont suck

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So far I've submitted 27 away messages, and they've been used a total of 35805 times. Here are my messages...

by: neddyt   (01/03/2008)

Patrick Willis wears pads and a helmet because it is mandated by the league rules. Everyone else in the NFL wears pads and a helmet because of Patrick Willis.
1327 Clicks

by: neddyt   (01/16/2007)

Did u know that you have a better chance of being killed by a vending machine then by a shark?
1326 Clicks

by: neddyt   (07/20/2006)

Pat Sajak: Alright Peter, you've made it to the bonus round. Congratulations!
Peter: Thanks Regis.
Pat Sajak: Okay, the category is actor and show, so we need five consonants and a vowel.
Peter: Uhh, ok… Uhhmmm… Z, 4, Q (slight pause), another Q, uhhh… a third Q and the batman symbol.
Pat Sajak: OK no help there, umm… 15 seconds if you want to take a shot at it, talk it out.
Peter: Is it Alex Karras in Webster?
Pat Sajak: (slowly) I don't believe it.
Peter: Oh my god, I just took a shot in the dark! Holy crap!!

-Family Guy
1326 Clicks

by: neddyt   (07/06/2006)

In heaven, the Swiss run the hotels, the French are the cooks, the Germans are the engineers, and the English are the police.
In Hell, the French run the hotels, the English are the cooks, the Swiss are the engineers, and THE GERMANS ARE THE POLICE!

-George Carlin
1326 Clicks

by: neddyt   (06/14/2006)

2 jews walk into a bar. They buy it.
1326 Clicks

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