Badass Profile Tweaks
Top 25 Users
Top 25 MSGs
TOP TEN WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE PMS...
10. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
9. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet
8. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
7. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
6. You're using your cell phone to dial up bumper stickers that say, "How's my driving? Call 1-800-EAT-SHIT."
5. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
4. You're convinced there's a God and he's male.
3. You're counting down the days until menopause.
2. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
1. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.
Every man knows that there are days in the month when all he has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life into his very hands! This handy guide should be as common as a drivers license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or signifigant other!
DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: May I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRASAFE: Here, Have some chocolate
DANGEROUS: Why are you wearing that?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.
DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: What did I do wrong?
SAFEST: Here's Fifty Dollars
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate
DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
SAFER: I hope you didnt overdo it today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate
10 Things You Won't Hear a Man Say
1. Let's watch Lifetime!
2. Sex is overrated.
3. I don't want to go too far on the first date.
4. Yes, I did notice your sister's breasts are bigger than yours.
5. There is nothing I like better than crawling into bed with a good book.
6. I'm glad I don't have a large penis.
7. My hips are too big.
8. Aw, can't we watch Oprah?
9. Does this suit make me look fat?
10. I'll never get tired listening to Celine Dion.
~:|:~ Good girls don't lie,
~:|:~ Bad girls don't cry,
~:|:~ Dumb girls need "air",
~:|:~ Naughty girls need underwear,
~:|:~ Sweet girls aren't mean,
~:|:~ Funny girls make a scene,
~:|:~ Perfect girls have all the class,
~:|:~ Mean girls will kick your ass,
~:|:~ Smart girls will excel,
~:|:~ Gossip girls will tell,
~:|:~ Popular girls get all the boys,
~:|:~ Little girls play with toys,
~:|:~ Normal girls are nothing new,
~:|:~ So which one applies to you?
i twirl, leap and spin i jump, piourette, and tap i feel pain and fear i feel defeat and failure yet i keep going i smile, i practice, i perform i feel happiness and joy i have grace and beauty i hear the applause i perform and do my best sometimes i fail but i dont give up i am brave and strong i am not for fame and glory but for how i feel inside i am strife, talent, joy determination, and beauty
*i am a dancer*
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore. Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down. Man: Your place or mine? Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine. Man: So, what do you do for a living? Woman: I'm a female impersonator. Man: Hey baby, what's your sign? Woman: Do not enter. Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilized. Man: Your body is like a temple. Woman: Sorry, there are no services today. Man: I would go to the end of the world for you. Woman: But would you stay there? Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
If guys had periods they'd brag about how big their tampons were.
10 REASONS TO DATE A DANCER...
1. We're extremely flexible
2. We are fast learners
3. We keep a rhythm going
4. We are used to being naked in front of other people
5. At a club, we make you look good
6. Can you say nice legs?
7. "Why yes, I can wrap my legs around my head"
8. Dance outfits leave nothing to the imagination
9. We have mastered all the positions
10. We keep going even when it hurts
~*~What Barbie are you?~*~
(check all that apply)
_Hooker Barbie (includes feather boa)
_Exotic Dancer Barbie (small pole included)
_Wet T-shirt Barbie (real wet table t-shirt)
_Boob-job Barbie (stick-on implants included)
_Drug Dealer Barbie (includes trench coat)
_Playboy Barbie (bunny ears included)
Please stop looking at me... I can't breathe!
OMG I'm going to die!
Oh, okay thats better now.. Oh no, don't look at
Look at ME!
, Now viewing messages (1 - 10)
Sexy Away Messages
We Salute You
© CGI Inc. 2009