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by: kate28 (06/02/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. Doggie Day Spa Operator.
Watching your dog endure the hard-knock life of sleeping, eating, and going number 2,
You've created a doggie utopia of sleep, eat... and go number 2.
(that's 200 dollars)
Leaving your dog in a car on a 90 degree day--
Inhumane.
Leaving your dog in a 90 degree sauna--
Pampering.
(another 200 dollars)
Some people shave their dogs for the summer.
YOU shave them,
Trim their split ends,
And add highlights.
(your bill is 600 dollars)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Oh Primper of the Pooch,
Every dog will have its day,
As long as it has an appointment.
We Salute You
1,208 Clicks

by: kate28 (05/29/2008)

Today we salute you Mr. Discount Airline Pilot Guy
Your minimum experience flying a plane
Will never land you at a reputable airline.
Luckily, you don't work for one.
(look at me I'm flying)
Sure we're concerned for our lives,
But not as concerned as saving 9 bucks on a round trip to Fort Myers
(whooaaa)
The most direct route to Houston?
Through Fort Lauderdale.
With layovers in Detroit, Vancouver, and Kalamazoo.
(I can't feel my legs)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh Skipper of the Skies.
You put the FLY,
In Fly-By-Night Operation.
We Salute You
1,193 Clicks

by: kate28 (05/27/2008)

Today we salute you Mr. Deer-Hunter.
You, the burly man with the tattoos from 1984 have proven to the world that yes,
A human being wearing camouflaged clothing with scent stopping fibers,
Night vision goggles,
A three thousand foot viewing scope,
A fifteen thousand dollar military sniper rifle,
And tank-armor piercing bullets,
Can indeed kill a female deer drinking from a stream.
You have proven that not only can ducks and turkeys be stopped by your quick hand and pinpoint accurate shot,
But so can black bears and even mountain lions.
So crack open an ice-cold Bud Light, Mr. Outdoor-sie,
Because we all know,
It is men like you that will conquer this world of primal beasts and animals,
Until, of course, Wal-Mart runs out of bullets.
We Salute You
1,246 Clicks

by: kate28 (05/27/2008)

Today we salute you Mr. Boneless Buffalo Wing Inventor.
How do you improve upon a meat that is breaded, buttered, double-fried
And dipped in blue cheese dressing?
Remove the only part that doesn't contain fat.
(don't need no chicken bone)
Gone now is the race to eat the drumsticks first,
Leaving the wings for the other poor suckers.
(hands off my drummies)
Is it leg?
Is it wing?
Is it rear end?
Now every chunk is as identical as it is indistinguishable.
(hope I'm not eating rear end)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light,
Boneless Wing Mastermind.
Because we don't have a bone to pick with you.
We Salute You
1,313 Clicks

by: kate28 (04/17/2008)

Today we salute you Mr. Boombox Carrying Rollerskater.
Shunning the conveniences of modern inline-skates, You prove that real men do it on 8 pink poly-propellane wheels.
(pretty pink wheels)
The crouched one leg extension.
The squatted spin.
Every move as tight as your shorts.
Yes,
Your station is tuned to all disco,
All the time.
And bravely,
So is your haircut.
(very foxy)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Mr. Boombox Carrying Rolleskater,
And know that we fully support real artistic expression.
But enough about that,
Let's rollerskate.
We Salute You
1,193 Clicks

by: kate28 (04/17/2008)

Today we salute you Mr. Bumper Sticker Writer.
Never has one man written so much for so many.
Without you the world may never have known "you can't hug with nuclear arms."
(i need a hug now!)
And just like you,
I, too, would rather be fishing,
Or squaredancing,
Or even shopping
(ooh yea)
I owe, I owe, so off to work I go.
You said it brother.
(you speak the truth)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh Bard of the Bumper,
Thanks to you,
I know it's perfectly all right to honk if I'm horny.
(honk honk beep honk)
We Salute You
1,225 Clicks

by: GoneBuddy (11/15/2007)

Today we salute you Mr. Holiday Gift Regifter Guy.
You understand the holidays aren't about receiving
But giving.
And you give and give
Until every lame gift stored in your attic is gone.
(ignore the cobwebs)
A ceramic singing cookie jar.
I love it.
And more importantly
When I pawn it off on my secretary,
She'll love it too.
(thank you Mr. Johnson)
It's all worth it when you see the looks on their faces.
Looks that say:
How can I politely throw this back into the trash can it came from?
(smells kinda funny)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Mr. Holiday Gift Register Guy
When it's the thought that counts,
We count on you.
We Salute You
1,192 Clicks

by: kate28 (10/24/2007)

Today we salute you Mr. Giant Foam Finger Maker.
Without you,
Our teams would be in 6th or 7th place
And feel as if they were in 6th or 7th place
(can you feel it?)
Carefully you craft uncanny representations of actual human hands
So that we may wave them annoyingly in the faces of our rivals
(in your faaace)
They're enormous, yes.
Yet one size fits all.
Brilliant.
(raise 'em to the sky nowww)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Mr. Foam Finger Maker
And know we speak for sports fans everywhere we we say:
No.
You're number one.
We Salute You
1,215 Clicks

by: kate28 (10/17/2007)

Today we salute you Mr. Inspirational Poster Writer
Without you
How would we ever know that today
Not tomorrow
Or last Thursday
Is the first day of the rest of our lives
(startin' right now)
You ask us to take it one day at a time
And remind us
Turkeys flock
But eagles soar alone
(soarin' high)
Only you could turn a picture of a kitten doing chin-ups into something more than cuddly
You make it inspiring
(believe in yourself)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh Poet of the Poster
You try very hard to make us try
Very VERY hard.
We Salute You
1,190 Clicks

by: kate28 (10/17/2007)

Today we salute you Mr. Hot Stock Tip Giver Outer
Why go to professional analysts
When we can get inside information from your brother-in-law's sister's fourth cousin's step-father?
(on your mother's siiiide)
Sure, you may know absolutely nothing
But we know even less
Your motto:
Buy low, sell low,
Get other people to buy low and sell low.
(Keeeep hope alive)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh Titan of the Tip
Although you're always wrong
You'll always be our Mr. Right.
We Salute You
1,214 Clicks


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