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by: kate28   (08/06/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. Dishonest Cable TV Hooker Upper.
On any given day Somewhere between 9:00 and 4:30,
You arrive ready to bring us the world.
And for an extra $20
You'll bring us... porn.
(naughty naughty boy)
Hey.
You've already got the van and the jumpsuit,
Why not get into criminal activity?
(just a naughty boy)
After all,
What are they gonna do,
Throw you in cable jail?
(I don't think so)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Manhandler of the Scrambler.
Because isn't it about time someone hooked you up?
We Salute You
1,218 Clicks

by: kate28   (08/06/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. Discount Suit Salesman.
When the suits from London, Milan, or Paris just won't do.
Where do you go?
Bangladesh.
(play that sitar)
Your suits are made with the finest fabric available.
Looks like all that was available was polyester.
Talk about craftsmanship.
Go ahead,
Talk about it.
(money where your mouth is)
The suit makes the man, you say.
Makes him look like he's out of work, we say.
(look at meee)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Mr. 42 Irregular.
Your suits drape beautifully,
Because at one time,
Your suits WERE drapes.
We Salute You
1,203 Clicks

by: kate28   (08/02/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. Camouflage Suit Maker.
Your amazing skills of deception can trick a deer into thinking we’re just a tree out for a walk,
Or a shrub having a cup of coffee.
(shrub havin’ coffee)
Tirelessly you perfect your artistry:
The squiggly black line.
The blob.
The slightly larger blob.
All in spectacular shades of green
(green green green)
Thanks to you we look fabulous in or out of the forest,
With a suit that can easily be accessorized with face paint and a few twigs.
(dressed to kill)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Mr. Camouflage Suit Maker.
Because when it comes to blending in, You really stand out.
We Salute You
1,311 Clicks

by: kate28   (08/02/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. Cargo Pants Designer.
You finally gave us what we wanted. The military look-
Without all that bothersome drilling, marching, and shooting.
(fashion victory)
Is that a banana in your pocket?
Yes.
And an orange.
And a pocket comb.
And an extra set of keys.
And my sunglasses.
(totally prepared now)
How many times have you been in a restaurant and thought:
”Man, I wish I’d brought my own jar of mayonnaise.”
Now you can.
(yayyyyy)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Oh Prince of the Pockets. Some may fill your shoes,
But no one can fill your pants.
We Salute You
1,295 Clicks

by: kate28   (07/28/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. Fancy Coffee Shop Coffee Pourer.
What do you do with a Masters Degree in art history?
You get a nose ring,
And pour coffee for a living.
(pour it on now)
Why is it called a latte?
Maybe because it.. costs a latte,
And it takes a latte time to make.
(whole lotta latte)
Someone order a cappuccino?
Step aside.
Let the man who works the milk foamer take over.
(step aside)
Sure, you charge 5 bucks for a cup of coffee.
It's putting that tip jar out that takes real guts.
(yeah)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Guru of the Ground Roast,
It's not the caffeine that gives us the buzz,
It's you.
We Salute You
1,208 Clicks

by: kate28   (07/28/2008)

Today we salute you Mr. Company Computer Guy.
You are the ruler of the RAM.
The guru of the gigabyte.
The monster of the memory.
(Show me the way)
When we screw up the boot up,
You are there.
Without you,
Computers would mega bite
(megabyte)
The countless hours we spend surfing the Internet and accidentally stumbling upon porn sites,
Would instead be spent... working.
(workin' for the maaaan)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Mr. Company Computer Guy.
For it's you who keeps our log ons logging
And our hard drives hard.
(You gotta see this porn site)
We Salute You
1,249 Clicks

by: kate28   (07/10/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. Cruise Ship Entertainer.
When Tinsel Town and Broadway said "no,"
The cruise ship said "yes."
(ohh yeah)
You may never get your star on Hollywood’s walk of fame,
But you do get free access to the salad bar
(mmm croutons)
Your peppy numbers bring the audience to their feet,
Which is impressive, because most of them use walkers.
(osteoporosis)
Your motto: The show must go on…
And on…
And on…
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Prince of the Port Hole.
You can swab our poop deck,
Anytime.
We Salute You
1,258 Clicks

by: kate28   (07/10/2008)

Today we salute you Mr. Dodgeball Resurrector.
You brought back the All-American dream of collecting huge red welts by whipping red rubber balls at running human targets.
(let's get the chubby kid)
Never mind that some experts say that Dodgeball has no place in today's civilized society.
(that's hittin' below the belt)
You could've brought back the ropes, parallel bars, or square dancing.
But no.
You chose Dodgeball.
(who thought of that one?)
So crack open an ice cold low carb Bud Light, Rubber Ball Boy.
And know..
The reasons you were banned from the gym
Are the reasons we need you now.
We Salute You
1,238 Clicks

by: kate28   (06/14/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. Electric Carving Knife Inventor.
You have given us a tool with the amazing ability to cut through meat,
Potatoes,
And on occasion,
An index finger.
(I need a medic)
Nothing captures the excitement of Thanksgiving,
Like 200 volts of electricity shooting through a really sharp knife
(I still need a medic)
Finished carving that bird?
There's an unruly shrub out back that could use a little trim
(seriously call a medic)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh Barren of the Blade,
We'll still mangle the turkey.
But thanks to you, We'll mangle it in half the time.
We Salute You
1,234 Clicks

by: kate28   (06/12/2008)

Today we salute you Mr. Edible Underwear Maker.
Your true genius combined two of man's favorite things:
Panties and Food.
They're a snack,
They're underwear...
They're a snack AND underwear.
Brilliant.
Gorgeous Grape,
Rock My World Raspberry,
Bodacious Banana.
And nothing says, "I want you" like a mouthful of underpants.
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Mr. Edible Underwear Maker.
Because thanks to you,
When it comes to panties,
Extra large means extra yummy.
We Salute You
1,250 Clicks


Total Messages: 95, Now viewing messages (61 - 70)
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