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by: kate28 (09/10/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. Humongous Pumpkin Grower Guy.
Anyone can grow a regular-sized pumpkin.
But only a man with lots and lots of free time,
Can grow a giant, super, humongous pumpkin.
(that's not natural)
The only thing more enjoyable than seeing a humongous pumpkin,
Seeing the local hoodlums take a baseball to it.
(smash smash smash it up)
What's for dinner?
Pumpkin pie.
Every day for the next 17 months.
(gonna need some whip cream)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh Guru of the Gourd.
And while you're at it,
Cut me a piece of that humongous pie.
We Salute You
1,216 Clicks

by: kate28 (09/10/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. Fortune Cookie Fortune Writer
Most writers leave their wisdom in a book,
You leave yours in a cookie.
(crunchy cookie!)
Sure they taste good,
But it's the information you provide that we're really hungry for.
(love is 'round the corner)
Though your tablet is small,
Your message never is.
(show me the way)
Of course the moo shu pork and the egg foo young fill our bellies,
But it's your inspiration that keeps us well nourished.
(yum yum yum yum egg foo young)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Mr. Fortune Cookie Fortune Writer,
Because when you say our luck is about to change,
We believe you.
We Salute You
1,195 Clicks

by: kate28 (09/10/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. Gangsta Rapper Posse Member.
Behind every great man,
There is a great woman.
And behind that woman?
Fourteen guys with sideways baseball caps and really baggy pants.
(those pants are giant)
What do you do when you have no talent whatsoever?
Attach yourself to someone who does.
(fo izzle my shnizzle)
Gold tooth.
Check.
Giant gold medallion.
Check.
Royalties from record sales.
No check.
(help a brother out)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Barren of the Brown Nose.
Then crack open another thirteen for the rest of the crew.
We Salute You
1,229 Clicks

by: kate28 (09/10/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. Horse-Drawn Carriage Driver.
You start your day with a "tip tip" and a "cheerio"
Which is odd,
Because you're from Brooklyn.
(Jolly old Brooklyn!)
While most people sit behind a desk,
You proudly sit two feet behind a four-legged manure factory.
(uugghh!)
No one knows the guts it takes to ride the subway to work dressed as a foppish dandy from the 18th century.
(He's a foppish dandy)
Blaring horns.
Profanity.
Vicious insults.
All met with a courtly tip of your stovepipe hat.
(Cheerio!)
So crack open an ice-cold Bud Light, Buggy Boy,
Because the way you say "giddyup"
Makes us say "whoa!"
(whoa whoa whoa)
We Salute You
1,217 Clicks

by: kate28 (09/10/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. Hawaiian Shirt Pattern Designer
You provide us with colorful loungewear capable of hiding any stain we can dish out.
(gettin sloppy)
Who else could create flowered shirts that are still so unmistakeably masculine,
A single shirt that matches every pair of pants we own,
And really sets off a white belt?
(looking good now)
Sure women say they hate them,
But inside they're all swooning for the big kahuna.
(ooh kahuna!)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Mr. Hawaiian Shirt Pattern Designer.
Your shirts may not be made in Hawaii,
But Taiwan is an island, too.
We Salute You
1,343 Clicks

by: kate28 (09/10/2008)

Today we salute you Mr. Giant Taco Salad Inventor.
A culinary creation that baffles the human mind:
A 12,000 calorie salad.
Ground beef.
Refried beans.
Guacamole.
Cheese.
Sour Cream.
And if there is any room left a few shreds of lettuce.
Some may ask is your taco salad healthy?
Of course it is.
It's a salad isn't it?
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Conquistador of the Calorie,
Because you put the feast in fiesta.
We Salute You
1,231 Clicks

by: kate28 (08/28/2008)

Today we salute you Mr. Fake Tattoo Inventor.
Through the miracle of hypoallergenic adhesives,
You transform us from mild mannered accountants
Into roadhouse biker hooligans
(hoooligan)
Be it screaming skull,
Or thrashing tiger,
You've got a temporary alter-ego for any occasion.
(flaming dragon)
What else says "I love you, mom"
Like a heart with a sword through it?
(you know I love you momma)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Mr. Fake Tattoo Inventor Guy.
We may not have been born to ride,
But thanks to you,
We can feel like it.
We Salute You
1,240 Clicks

by: kate28 (08/28/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. Giant Inflatable Pink Gorilla Maker.
The automotive industry's most convincing marketing tool:
The giant gas-filled pink gorilla.
(a slow-jumping monkey)
Factory rebates.
0% financing.
Poppycock.
Nothing sells cars like a helium happy primate.
(you said it brother)
Why a gorilla?
Because who'd buy a car from a dealer with a giant inflatable hamster?
(not gonna buy it)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh King of the Automotive Jungle.
When we say "you're the greatest,"
We're not just blowing hot air.
We Salute You
1,237 Clicks

by: kate28 (08/28/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. Foot Long Hot Dog Inventor.
When conventional wisdom said no one could make a hot dog longer than six inches,
You dared to dream.
(dared to dream)
You knew the limitations of a regular sized hot dog bun,
And you ignored them.
(can't stop me now)
You made a ten inch wiener,
And people cheered.
(oh!)
But you weren't satisfied.
You said, "Wait, I think I can still give you two more inches."
(gotta want it)
And so the foot long was born.
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Mr. Hot Dog Hero,
Because you gave every one of us our fondest wish:
A bigger wiener.
(thank you thank you thank you!)
We Salute You
1,260 Clicks

by: kate28 (08/28/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. Homemade Pontoon Boat Maker.
What happens when you cross ten discarded drum barrels with two sheets of plywood and a cast-aside barbecue?
A pontoon boat.
(we're boatin' and grillin')
It's a boat.
It's a dance floor.
It's a boat AND a dance floor.
(we're boatin' and dancin')
Throw up a string of tiki lights,
Hit the stereo,
Power up the blender,
And what have you got?
Way too much electricity on top of a lot of water.
(we're boating and getting-electrocuted)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh Pirate of the Pontoon.
Because YOU,
Really shiver me timbers.
We Salute You
1,218 Clicks


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