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by: kate28 (06/03/2009)

Today, we salute you, Mr. In The Car Nose Picker.
For you,
The daily commute isn't simply a drive to the office,
It's a hands on exploration deep into your shnoz.
(I'm going in now)
With pinpoint accuracy and sheer determination,
You dig for boogers like miners dig for gold.
(hit the jackpot)
And why do you do it?
Because the windows are up and you think that we can't see you.
We can.
(how ya doin'?)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh Nabber of the Nose Nugget,
We'd like to shake your hand but...
You will have to wash it first.
We Salute You
1,190 Clicks

by: kate28 (06/02/2009)

Today we salute you,
Mr. Miniature Train Modeler.
Yours is a perfect magical world
Wedged neatly between your furnace and your hot water heater.
(keep on dreamin')
Your mini-town has a mini ice cream store,
Complete with a mini soda jerk,
Guaranteeing there will always be at least two jerks in your mini world.
(you'll never be alone)
Woo-woo. All aboard.
First stop.
Nutsville.
(chug chug woo woo!)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Master Of Your Mini World.
You're cuckoo about choo-choos,
And that's fine with us.
We Salute You
1,185 Clicks

by: kate28 (06/02/2009)

Today we salute you,
Mr. Moped Sooper Upper.
Any tourist can rent a crummy bicycle with an engine,
But only you have the moxy to put a V-twin on it and fly up Diamond Head without a helmet.
(YEAH!)
Is that a volcano erupting?
No, it's just your muffler.
(mine's louder than yours)
You take an under-powered piece of junk and turn it into an.. over-powered piece of junk.
(Get my motor running)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, O Maestro of the Motorbike. We'd sing your praises,
But with that muffler,
You couldn't hear us.
We Salute You
1,211 Clicks

by: kate28 (05/29/2009)

Today we salute you,
Mr. Local Texas Football Legend.
You scored the winning touchdown at State 17 years ago,
And you've been dancing in the end zone ever since.
(I love meee)
You lost the big account,
Your neighbor's dog,
And just recently, your wife's car keys.
Yet people still call you Clutch.
(touchdown cluutch)
Blue 22.
Red 37.
Brown 19.
Now all just ingredients in your hair dye.
(I dye my sideburns)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Earl of the Endzone.
We'll never forget your greatness,
Mostly because you won't let us.
We Salute You
1,194 Clicks

by: kate28 (05/29/2009)

Today we salute you,
Mr. Losing Locker Room Reporter.
Wherever a semi-naked man is crying like a school girl because he lost a ball game,
You are there.
(so sad you're bad now)
Why did they lose?
Because some millionaire dropped the ball.
A millionaire who needs a mic stuck in his face on national television.
(oh noo)
Go ahead,
Wear your cashmere blazer to work,
Nobody's going to pour champagne on it where you're going.
(they're just losers)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh Bringer of Bad News.
You're not a big loser,
You just interview them.
(don't wanna talk abouuut it)
We Salute You
1,209 Clicks

by: kate28 (05/29/2009)

Today we salute you, Mr. Mail Order Bride Orderer.
Some men flip through a catalogue looking for furniture.
You flip through a catalogue looking for someone to clean the furniture.
(I don't do windows)
Nothing says "I will love you forever"
Like a quick swipe of the credit card at the alter.
(what's your payment plan?)
Women wait their whole lives for a man to say "I do"
In your case,
I do.. agree to pay the sum of 3000 American dollars.
(let's talk annulment)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh Catalogue Casanova.
Your spouse may be full price,
But you'll always be our better half.
We Salute You
1,203 Clicks

by: kate28 (05/29/2009)

Today we salute you,
Mr. Overzealous Foul Ball Catcher.
You're nowhere close to that foul ball heading for the bleachers.
Who cares?
You're goin' for it.
(that ball's MIIINE)
Hot dog vendors.
Old ladies.
Infants.
You mow them over like a diesel-powered combine.
(yeahhhh)
Ashamed of your souvenir fervor?
Hardly.
You scratch and gouge your way to the ball like a blood-thirsty wolverine.
(you're a fiesty rodent)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Mr. Bully of the Bleachers.
Because why pay for a souvenir,
When you can fight for one?
We Salute You
1,203 Clicks

by: kate28 (05/29/2009)

Today we salute you,
Mr. Oxygen Bar Inventor.
A brilliant entrepreneur,
You opened a business with only one true competitor-
The earth's atmosphere.
(crush the competition)
It's Friday Night.
Time to head out with the boys for a rowdy night...
Of breathing.
(SOMEone took my keyyys)
Some naysayers say oxygen makes up 95% of our atmosphere.
You say:
Does your atmosphere serve potato skins?
(I like mine with bacon)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Mr. Retailer for the Inhaler.
Because when life gets stale,
You're a breath of fresh air.
We Salute You
1,188 Clicks

by: kate28 (12/05/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. Male Football Cheerleader.
Real men don't just play smash mouth football,
Real men turn cartwheels and somersaults on the sidelines,
Tucked safely away from the action.
(don't touch me now)
Fourth down and inches,
The game's on the line,
It all comes down to you.
Will you call for a perky pyramid,
Or a line dance?
(get on my shoulders)
Knock em back,
knock em back
Alllll the way to hack em sack
(rah rah rah rah rha zis boom bah)
So grab an ice cold Bud Light, Mr. Male Football Cheerleader.
You may never score a touchdown, but you're peppy
(yay!)
And that's gotta count for something.
We Salute You
1,214 Clicks

by: kate28 (11/22/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. King of the Karaoke Mic.
Armed with your mic,
You brazenly take to the stage,
Refusing to leave until every last person has been lulled into a peaceful slumber.
(wake me when it's over)
Country.
Rock.
R & B.
From your lips,
It all sounds the same,
Like a sick cat trapped under a parked car.
(that's a flat kitty)
Sure, nobody's clapping.
But that doesn't mean you can't give them six more encores.
(they're clapping on the inside)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh Hero of the High Note.
You sing to the beat of a different drum,
Cause the one in your ear
Is clearly broken.
We Salute You
1,187 Clicks


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