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by: kate28 (07/01/2009)

Today we salute you,
Mr. Pickled Pigs Feet Eater.
Ignoring all you know about pigs,
And where they live,
And what they step in,
You look at their pickled paws and say "yummy".
(lookin' tasty)
Craving only the most daring meal,
You pass up the cow tongue,
Skate by the head cheese,
Dismiss the rocky mountain oysters.
(rocky mountain oysters)
But a pigs foot soaked in pickle juice?
Now that's good eatin'.
(save me a big one)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Mr. Pickled Pigs Feet Eater,
Cause it takes guts to eat those feet.
We Salute You
1,210 Clicks

by: kate28 (07/01/2009)

Today we salute you,
Mr. Supermarket Produce Puter-Outer.
You have perhaps the greates job known to man:
Squeezing giant melons all day long.
(looove those squishy melons)
When women come in looking for squash, you say,
"Perhaps I can interest you in my giant zucchini."
(that ain't no zucchini)
Day in and day out,
Women step on your grapes,
And you don't even flinch.
(OOOOOOH)
Is that a banana in your pocket?
No.
It's a plantain.
(muy muy grande)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Oh King of the Cumquats.
Because if one guy has to fondle our plums,
We're glad it's you.
We Salute You
1,172 Clicks

by: kate28 (06/15/2009)

Today we salute you,
Mr. Next Day Carpet Installer.
Because when we are jonesing for carpet,
We're jonesing for it...
Right now.
(Totally jonesing)
Thanks to you,
We have absolutely no problem buying carpet,
Over the phone,
Sight unseen.
(Just pick up the phone)
A near miracle,
An entire basement -
Wall to wall shag in less time than it takes to order a pizza.
(I love pepperoni)
Your motto:
"If your a payin', I'm a layin'."
(oh yeah!)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, King of the Carpet Men,
You not only go the distance for us,
You do it wearing knee pads.
We Salute You
1,176 Clicks

by: kate28 (06/15/2009)

Today we salute you,
Mr. Office Party Over-Hugger.
Tonight's your big night to let your hugs linger just a little too long
(squeeze you like Charmin)
Right through the little pat on the back,
One Mississippi.
Two Mississippi.
Three Mississippi.
Okay that's long enough there Hugh Hefner,
Time to come up for air.
(can you feel me baby? you're no playboy)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Copper of the Quick Feel,
Because you just put the ASS
In harassment suit.
We Salute You
1,174 Clicks

by: kate28 (06/12/2009)

Today we salute you, Mr. Parking Attendant Flashlight Waver.
Leaving the security of your two by two foot heated hut,
You light the way.
(show me the way now)
Defying physics and most insurance policies,
You wedge my midsize into the space of a compact.
(back back back back back back back it up wooh!)
While you act like you couldn't care less about my car,
I know deep down inside...
You don't.
(it's just a car)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh Czar of the Parked Car.
As long as that extra sawbuck translates to easy out,
We'll keep pullin her in.
(we couldn't park without you)
We Salute You
1,177 Clicks

by: kate28 (06/12/2009)

Today we salute you, Mr. Pit Crew Water Bottle Squirter.
In a world of RPMs and MPGs,
You're all about H2O.
(H2O!)
Sure,
Anyone can take a car apart and put it back together again,
But not just anyone can squirt water.
(you've got it in you)
Reach, squeeze, reach, squeeze.
Precision timing.
One inch off,
And you've got a soggy driver,
And a potential squegee situation.
(watch out, that's water!)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Mr. Pit Crew Water Bottle Squirter,
Because as far as we're concerned,
You're not just in the pits,
You are the pits.
We Salute You
1,167 Clicks

by: kate28 (06/12/2009)

Today we salute you, Mr. Parade Float Driver.
Real men don't drive shiny sport cars.
Real men drive old school bus chassis covered in papier machet, pansies and puppets.
(slow and easy)
Why?
Chicks dig floats.
Just ask the Carson County Pork Queen waving from the back end.
(lovely pork queen)
You drive with sweaty palms.
One wrong move from you and Paul Tilley's Olde Tyme Barbershop Quartet is history
(Oooohhhhhhh!)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh Thoroughbred of the Thoroughfare.
When it comes to parades,
You really float our boat.
We Salute You
1,194 Clicks

by: kate28 (06/09/2009)

Today we salute you Mr. Really Loud Cell Phone Talker Guy.
Ignoring the latest advances in cell phone technology,
You bark into your phone as if you were communicating with two cans and a string.
(you're breakin' up now)
Discussing your cousin's intestinal problems while at a quiet dinner party--Unacceptable.
Discussing them while on your cell phone at a quiet dinner party--
Perfectly acceptable.
(can you keep a secret)
Nothing screams 'I'm important'
More than a man who screams "I'm IMPORTANT!" into his cell phone.
(did I mention I'm important?)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh Duke of the Decibal.
Because when we need a friend,
You're the one we call.
We Salute You
1,168 Clicks

by: kate28 (06/03/2009)

Today we salute you Mr. Pet Toy Designer.
Nothing keeps puppy from chewing our $100 shoes
Like 400 dollars worth of little squeaky rubber shoes
(squeakity squeak now)
The ham chop.
The dog bone.
The cooky cucumber.
All incredibly life-like,
When viewed by an unintelligent, color-blind animal
(I'm nooobody's fool)
There's not a toy you make that dogs don't love
But then again,
They also eat their own poop.
(eat their own poop)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh Champion of the Chew Toy.
After all,
Isn't it time someone threw you a bone?
We Salute You
1,181 Clicks

by: kate28 (06/03/2009)

Today we salute you, Mr. Overly Competitive Touch Football Game Player.
A little friendly competition never hurt anybody,
Unless that anybody happens to be the person you're covering.
(bring the paaaaiiin)
Hands?
No.
Blazing speed?
No.
Unresolved anger after being cut from the football team 17 years ago?
Big time.
(I still have issues)
When it comes to two-hand touch,
You leave it all out on the field.
Your blood.
Your sweat.
Your dignity.
(dignity is overrated)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Backyard Bruiser.
The way you play the game
Will always leave us in stitches.
We Salute You
1,168 Clicks


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