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by: kate28   (05/27/2008)

Today we salute you Mr. Deer-Hunter.
You, the burly man with the tattoos from 1984 have proven to the world that yes,
A human being wearing camouflaged clothing with scent stopping fibers,
Night vision goggles,
A three thousand foot viewing scope,
A fifteen thousand dollar military sniper rifle,
And tank-armor piercing bullets,
Can indeed kill a female deer drinking from a stream.
You have proven that not only can ducks and turkeys be stopped by your quick hand and pinpoint accurate shot,
But so can black bears and even mountain lions.
So crack open an ice-cold Bud Light, Mr. Outdoor-sie,
Because we all know,
It is men like you that will conquer this world of primal beasts and animals,
Until, of course, Wal-Mart runs out of bullets.
We Salute You
1,242 Clicks

by: kate28   (10/15/2007)

Today we salute you Mr. Multi-Colored Sweater Wearer.
A squiggly, jiggly mish-mash of colors
We wouldn't be caught dead in
But it sure looks good on you.
(squiggly jiggly)
They say Beauty's in the Eye of the Beholder
We say:
Whoever be holdin' that thing
Be holdin' one ugly sweater.
(keep holdin' on)
No, I wasn't dragged down the highway and my insides are showing,
I'm wearing my new sweater
(someone call a doctor)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Mister Natty in his Knits
It may just be an ugly sweater,
But it sure is...
An ugly sweater.
We Salute You
1,242 Clicks

by: kate28   (08/28/2008)

Today we salute you Mr. Fake Tattoo Inventor.
Through the miracle of hypoallergenic adhesives,
You transform us from mild mannered accountants
Into roadhouse biker hooligans
(hoooligan)
Be it screaming skull,
Or thrashing tiger,
You've got a temporary alter-ego for any occasion.
(flaming dragon)
What else says "I love you, mom"
Like a heart with a sword through it?
(you know I love you momma)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Mr. Fake Tattoo Inventor Guy.
We may not have been born to ride,
But thanks to you,
We can feel like it.
We Salute You
1,241 Clicks

by: kate28   (06/12/2009)

Today we salute you, Mr. Pit Crew Water Bottle Squirter.
In a world of RPMs and MPGs,
You're all about H2O.
(H2O!)
Sure,
Anyone can take a car apart and put it back together again,
But not just anyone can squirt water.
(you've got it in you)
Reach, squeeze, reach, squeeze.
Precision timing.
One inch off,
And you've got a soggy driver,
And a potential squegee situation.
(watch out, that's water!)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Mr. Pit Crew Water Bottle Squirter,
Because as far as we're concerned,
You're not just in the pits,
You are the pits.
We Salute You
1,241 Clicks

by: kate28   (07/10/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. Cruise Ship Entertainer.
When Tinsel Town and Broadway said "no,"
The cruise ship said "yes."
(ohh yeah)
You may never get your star on Hollywood’s walk of fame,
But you do get free access to the salad bar
(mmm croutons)
Your peppy numbers bring the audience to their feet,
Which is impressive, because most of them use walkers.
(osteoporosis)
Your motto: The show must go on…
And on…
And on…
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Prince of the Port Hole.
You can swab our poop deck,
Anytime.
We Salute You
1,241 Clicks

by: kate28   (08/28/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. Half-Time Shooting Contest Contestant.
For the promise of free t-shirts,
Or a year supply of socks,
You take to the court ready to put on a clinic in abject humiliation.
(take 'em to school, yeah)
You keenly sense how much the crowd yearns for your failure,
And you deliver.
(from DOWNTOWN yeah)
It's hard to make a shot from half-court,
But it's even harder to make one when you shoot like an 80-year-old grandmother.
(you're a staaaar)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Admiral of the Airball.
You may not have won that new car,
But you won something a lot more valuable,
Our hearts.
We Salute You
1,241 Clicks

by: kate28   (09/10/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. Humongous Pumpkin Grower Guy.
Anyone can grow a regular-sized pumpkin.
But only a man with lots and lots of free time,
Can grow a giant, super, humongous pumpkin.
(that's not natural)
The only thing more enjoyable than seeing a humongous pumpkin,
Seeing the local hoodlums take a baseball to it.
(smash smash smash it up)
What's for dinner?
Pumpkin pie.
Every day for the next 17 months.
(gonna need some whip cream)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh Guru of the Gourd.
And while you're at it,
Cut me a piece of that humongous pie.
We Salute You
1,241 Clicks

by: kate28   (09/10/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. Fortune Cookie Fortune Writer
Most writers leave their wisdom in a book,
You leave yours in a cookie.
(crunchy cookie!)
Sure they taste good,
But it's the information you provide that we're really hungry for.
(love is 'round the corner)
Though your tablet is small,
Your message never is.
(show me the way)
Of course the moo shu pork and the egg foo young fill our bellies,
But it's your inspiration that keeps us well nourished.
(yum yum yum yum egg foo young)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Mr. Fortune Cookie Fortune Writer,
Because when you say our luck is about to change,
We believe you.
We Salute You
1,241 Clicks

by: kate28   (05/29/2009)

Today we salute you,
Mr. Overzealous Foul Ball Catcher.
You're nowhere close to that foul ball heading for the bleachers.
Who cares?
You're goin' for it.
(that ball's MIIINE)
Hot dog vendors.
Old ladies.
Infants.
You mow them over like a diesel-powered combine.
(yeahhhh)
Ashamed of your souvenir fervor?
Hardly.
You scratch and gouge your way to the ball like a blood-thirsty wolverine.
(you're a fiesty rodent)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Mr. Bully of the Bleachers.
Because why pay for a souvenir,
When you can fight for one?
We Salute You
1,241 Clicks

by: kate28   (06/02/2009)

Today we salute you,
Mr. Moped Sooper Upper.
Any tourist can rent a crummy bicycle with an engine,
But only you have the moxy to put a V-twin on it and fly up Diamond Head without a helmet.
(YEAH!)
Is that a volcano erupting?
No, it's just your muffler.
(mine's louder than yours)
You take an under-powered piece of junk and turn it into an.. over-powered piece of junk.
(Get my motor running)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, O Maestro of the Motorbike. We'd sing your praises,
But with that muffler,
You couldn't hear us.
We Salute You
1,241 Clicks


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