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"The Administration takes this development seriously. Botox, of course, is related to the botulism toxin, which can be processed into high-grade biological weapons. We have dispatched Dr. David Kay . . . to search for the bio-warfare agents we believe hidden in Senator Kerry's forehead. If Senator Kerry has used botox as part of a wrinkle enrichment program, he is in violation of U.N. Resolution 752. Upon receiving Dr. Kay's report, the weapons of mass destruction that Senator Kerry so adamantly insists do not exist . . . may well be above his very nose." Dick Cheney
Bud Lite Presents: Real Men of Genius
Today we salute you, Mr. Redneck Bush Supporter. You are the reason I just paid $21.50 to get two gallons in my tank. Sure, the president may have the IQ of a clinically retarded third grader, but hey, he "speaks your language." And if you voted for him because of his religious beliefs, good for you to separate church and government. So crack open an ice cold Bud Lite and smile... because you're probably on COPS right now.
Regardless of where you stand on the issue of the U.S. involvement in Iraq, here's an interesting statistic:
There has been a monthly average of 160,000 US troops in the Iraq theater of operations during the last 22 months, and a total of 2,112 deaths.
That gives a monthly firearm death rate of 60 per 100,000 soldiers.
The firearm death rate in Washington D.C. is 80.6 per 100,000 persons for the same period.
That means that you are about 25% more likely to be shot and killed in the U.S. Capital than you are in Iraq .
Conclusion: The U.S. should pull out of Washington
"The Republican National Committee announced today that the Republican Party is changing its emblem from an elephant to a condom. Governor Marc Racicot, RNC chairman, explained that the condom more clearly reflects the party's stance today, because a condom accepts inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're getting screwed."
Bill, Hillary and Kerry are flying on Kerry's wife's private jet. Bill looks at Hillary, chuckles and says, "You know, I could throw a $100.00 bill out the window right now and make somebody very happy." Hillary shrugs her shoulders and says, "Well, I could throw ten $10.00 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy." Kerry says, "Of course then, I could throw one-hundred $1.00 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy." The pilot rolls his eyes, looks at all of them and says to his co-pilot, "Such Big shots back there... I could throw all of them out the window and make millions happy."
Bud Light Presents: Real Men of Genius
Today we salute you Mr. John Kerry supporter. While others are at the polls making informed decisions about their candidates, you are relying on Michael Moore for political advice. Yes. No. Maybe. The only thing we know for sure about John Kerry, is that he has three Purple Hearts. (say it again now) Sure George W. Bush isn't the most articulate public speaker, but he's not scared of a football. So crack open an ice cold Bud Light you democratic douche bag, because the Republicans and George W. Bush have four more years.
Bud Light presents: Real Men of Genius
This one's for you, Bush supporters, for while others were trying to solve problems logically, you hid under a desk, knowing the terrorists would attack at any second. While concerned citizens decided to be responsible and stop wasting money, you knew that the only way to save America was to give Fort Knox to the rich and famous. So crack open a new Bud Light, GW supporter, and know that the commies will be stopped as long as you can shoot gays and hippies from your front porch with your 50 calibur machine gun.
The many wise words of George Bush:
"Most imports are from outside of the country."
"One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures."
"It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it."
"Our nation must come together to unite."
"I understand small business growth. I was one."
"I believe a marriage is between a man and a woman."
Is this the NBA OR NFL?
36 have been accused of spousal abuse
7 have been arrested for fraud
19 have been accused of writing bad checks
117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
3 have done time for assault
71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
8 have been arrested for shoplifting
21 currently are defendants in lawsuits, and
84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year
Can you guess which organization this is?
Give up yet? . . . Scroll down,
Neither, it's the 535 members of the United States Congress.
The same group of Idiots that crank out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line.
HAVE A BLESSED DAY!
Bush is being briefed on what is going on in the world.
"and today, 3 brazillian soldiers were killed," says the person briefing him.
Bush goes into a frenzy. "Oh, that's horrible! That's so bad, it's terrible! Whatever will we do..."
2 minutes later...
"How many is a brazillian?" Bush asks.
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