away messages that dont suck

Top 25 Users

Top 25 MSGs

Buddy Icons


Browsing Jokes...
Sort By: Clicks | Submitter Name | Most Recent

by: Clutz234   (11/09/2004)

There was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking his beer, minding his own business when all of a sudden this great big dude comes in and -- WHACK!! -- knocks him off the bar stool and onto the floor.
The big dude says, "That was a karate chop from Korea."
The little guy thinks "GEEZ," but he gets back up on the stool and starts drinking again when all of a sudden -- WHACK!! -- the big dude knocks him down AGAIN.
This time he says, "That was a judo chop from Japan."
So the little guy has had enough of this... He gets up, brushes himself off and quietly leaves. The little guy is gone for an hour or so when he returns.
Without saying a word, he walks up behind the big dude and -- WHAM!!!" -- knocks the big dude off his stool, knocking him out cold!!! The little guy looks at the bartender and says, "When he gets up, tell him that's a crowbar from Sears."
1,453 Clicks

by: gailgabjaws   (11/09/2004)

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2030, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
1,446 Clicks

by: mebe1621689   (11/08/2004)

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Zits?
Zits wait until a boy turns 13.
1,446 Clicks

by: Spedley   (11/05/2004)

Dyslexics of the world untie!
1,445 Clicks

by: hoopsdude699   (11/03/2004)

The sign said "WET FLOOR", so I did.
1,444 Clicks

by: gijane0069   (10/31/2004)

The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?" "OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the prisoner in the prison." And then they made love for the first time. Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction. Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped." Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him." After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes. But the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!" The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently born foal. Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted. She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again." Limply turning his head, he yells at her, "Hey, it's not a life sentence, OKAY!?"
1,453 Clicks

by: kip   (10/30/2004)

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ....what? (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)
A super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
1,445 Clicks

by: blondiebabe5   (10/27/2004)

Why can't ghosts have babies?
Because they have hollow-weenies!
1,445 Clicks

by: notwanted103   (10/23/2004)

If Jack helped you off a horse, would you help Jack off his horse?
1,444 Clicks

by: Dæmon   (10/20/2004)

A blonde, a brunette, and a red head are walking in a forest when an ugly old witch comes out and says,
"If you say something true about yourself I will give you a wish. If it is not true then you will be poofed away."
The brunette says, "I am hot."
*POOF* she is gone.
The red head says, "I am popular."
*POOF* she is gone.
The blonde says, "I think....."
*POOF* she is gone.
1,450 Clicks

Total Messages: 585, Now viewing messages (401 - 410)
Pages: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | 32 | 33 | 34 | 35 | 36 | 37 | 38 | 39 | 40 | 41 | 42 | 43 | 44 | 45 | 46 | 47 | 48 | 49 | 50 | 51 | 52 | 53 | 54 | 55 | 56 | 57 | 58 | 59
Sexy Away Messages

 Chuck Norris
 Emo/Real Life
 We Salute You

© CGI Inc. 2009
Privacy Policy

Advertise Ops
Free Horoscopes