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by: Moldy (08/16/2006)

After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough little hillbillies, as they could not afford a larger bed. The husband went to his veterinarian (of course) and told him that he and his cousin-wife didn't want to have any more children and asked what could be done. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem, but it was expensive. "A less costly alternative is to go home, get a cherry bomb, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10." The Alabaman said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can and holding it next to my ear and counting to 10 is going to help me." "Trust me," said the doctor. So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can to his ear and began to count... "1" "2" "3" "4" "5" At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs, and resumed counting on his other hand.
1,447 Clicks

by: OriGiNaL*GaNqStAh*ChiQ (08/16/2006)

There was a magical turtle was walking through a forest when he saw a bear chasing a rabbit. So he stops them and says that he will grant them each three wishes. So the bear gets excited and wishes that all the other bears in this forest would be females. then the rabbit wishes for a motorcycle helmet. the bear then wishes that all the bears in the next forest he goes to would be females. So the rabbit then wishes for a new motorcycle. The bear is starting to think the rabbit must be brain-dead. So the bear wishes that every bear in the world(besides him) would be females. So the rabbit reeves his engine and wishes that this bear is gay and takes off on his motorcycle.
1,444 Clicks

by: OriGiNaL*GaNqStAh*ChiQ (08/16/2006)

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following: "Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time." "You foul mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!" "Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm just tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."
1,452 Clicks

by: rabid midgit (08/05/2006)

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor." "Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars. It's a lot cheaper than a doctor." So Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart. He deposits ten dollars and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a print out: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. "Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart. That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure. Joe hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction and awaits the results. The computer prints the following: 1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9) 2. Your dog has ring worm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.(Aisle 7) 3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab. 4. Your wife is pregnant with twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. 5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better. Thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.
1,447 Clicks

by: unstoppable (08/02/2006)

What's funnier than a pile of dead babies? Two piles of dead babies. What's funnier than that? A live baby inside the pile of dead babies. What's even funnier than that? Him eating his way out. And what's funnier than that? Him coming back for seconds.
1,445 Clicks

by: 682536885 (08/02/2006)

How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, let her cook in the dark.
1,444 Clicks

by: kool trey92 (07/24/2006)

Talk to the hand 'cause the face don't wanna hear it.
Talk to the elbow 'cause the hand is on vacation.
Elbow: So, I guess you're stuck with me 'till they think of another one.
1,445 Clicks

by: unstoppable (07/24/2006)

Mary was not a good student. She often fell asleep in class. One time the teacher asked her a question and Johny poked her with a pin so she yelled out, "Holy Christ!" The teacher said very good and she asked who the messiah was and Johny poked her again, and Mary yelled," Jesus!" The teacher was amazed that Mary was doing this good in class. So she asked her what Eve said to Adam after she gave birth to their last son. Johny poked her once again and Mary yelled out," If you stick that thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!" And the teacher fainted.
1,453 Clicks

by: Korei Ryuu (07/24/2006)

What did one carrot say to the other?
Not a damn thing, carrots cant talk.
1,445 Clicks

by: Roddickminitwin (07/24/2006)

Q: Where does the one legged lady work?
A: Ihop
1,445 Clicks

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