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by: peter parker   (06/27/2004)

A guy's walking down the street when he sees a woman with perfect breasts. He says, 'Hey, miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100?'
'Are you nuts?' she replies and walks off.
He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does. 'Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000?' he asks again. 'Listen, sir, I'm not that kind of woman. Got it?'
So the guy runs around the next block and faces her again. 'Would you let me bite your breasts, just once for $10,000?' The woman thinks about this for a while and says, 'Hmm, $10,000? OK, but just once, and not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there.'
So they go to the alley and she takes off her shirt to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world. As soon as the guy sees them, he jumps on them and starts caressing, fondling, kissing them, burying his face in them... but not biting them. Finally, the woman gets all annoyed and says, 'Are you gonna bite them or what?' 'Nah,' he replies. 'Costs too much!'
Jokes
1,457 Clicks

by: the lord and master   (04/29/2006)

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed a man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the man's smile turned into a grin, so she move again. The man seemed more amused. When she moved for the fourth time, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested. (Only in Australia)

The case came up in court. The judge asked the man, (about 20 years old), what he had to say for himself.

The man replied, "Well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat under a sweets sign that said, THE DOUBLEMINT TWINS ARE COMING, and I grinned.

Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, LOGAN'S LINIMENT WILL REDUCE THE SWELLING, I had to smile.

Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign than said, WILLIAMS BIG STICK DID THE TRICK, I could hardly contain myself.

But, your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, GOODYEAR RUBBER COULD HAVE PREVENTED THIS ACCIDENT, I just lost it.
Jokes
1,457 Clicks

by: mvp6794   (05/08/2008)

A guy walks in to a bar and there's a sign behind the counter that says "Pass the test and drink here free for life." The man says to the bartender, "What's the test?" and the bartender says, "Well, first, you have to drink a whole bottle of tequila without throwing up or passing out. After that, there's a crocodile in that bathroom over there that you'll need to kill with your bare hands. And lastly, there's a 40 year-old woman upstairs that has never had an orgasm in her life. You have to give her one." So, the man agrees. He downs the bottle of tequila and doesn't pass out or throw up, but is barely standing. You could tell that he was all drunk and confused, but he still continued with the test. He went into the bathroom. The bartender heard a lot of crashes and yelling, but 20 minutes later, the man came out. He then says with a slurred accent to the bartender, "Okay, now where's that lady I've got to kill?"
Jokes
1,457 Clicks

by: Bacalhau   (03/11/2008)

A blonde decides to learn and try horse back riding assisted without any experience or lessons. She mounts the horse with great effort, and the tall, shiny horse springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.
Out of shear terror, she grabs for the horse’s mane but cannot seem to get a firm grip.
She tries to throw her arms around the horse’s neck, but slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup.
She is now at the mercy of the horse’s pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again.
As her head is battered against the ground, she is moments away from unconsciousness or even death when Todd, the Wall-Mart Manager, runs out to turn the horse off.
Jokes
1,457 Clicks

by: birdhouse404   (11/26/2006)

10 Reasons Y to Date a PaintBaller
1: We all have at least 12 inch barrels.
2: We can shoot load after load.
3: We can work up the middle as well as the corners.
4: We know how to handle our balls.
5: We know paintball guns to guys are like jewelery to women.
6: We always wear protection.
7: It takes us only a matter of seconds to find the sweet spot.
8: If needed, we will never take our finger off the "trigger".
9: We play fast and hard.
10: We're not afraid to get a little messy.
Jokes
1,456 Clicks

by: DaMuffinWarrior   (11/14/2004)

One day a man took the bus to work and a nun sat next to him. The nun was extremely young and pretty so the guy kept bugging her and flirting with her. After she got off the bus, the bus driver, a hugely fat woman with a big mole on her face says, "I know where you can go to find that nun. She always goes to the graveyard to pray every night."
So that night the guy went to the graveyard and dressed up as God. When he saw the nun praying there he jumped out and said, "I'M GOD!"
The nun looked over to him and said "Oh my God! It's GOD! I would do anything for you!"
"Then have sex with me!" the man said. After having sex the guy rips off the God costume and says "Ha! I'm that guy who was bugging you on the bus!"
So then the nun rips off her robes and says "HA! I'm the bus driver!"
Jokes
1,455 Clicks

by: ??????????   (11/15/2007)

Billy was excited about his first day at school. So excited in fact, that only a few minutes after class started, he realized that he desperately needed to go to the bathroom.
So Billy raised his hand politely to ask if he could be excused. Of course the teacher said yes, but asked Billy to be quick.
Five minutes later Billy returned, looking more desperate and embarrassed. "I can't find it", he admitted.
The teacher sat Billy down and drew him a little diagram to where he should go and asked him if he will be able to find it now. Billy looked at the diagram, said "yes" and goes on his way.
Well five minutes later he returned to the class room and says to the teacher "I can't find it".
Frustrated, the teacher asked Tommy, a boy who has been at the school for awhile, to help him find the bathroom.
So Tommy and Billy go together and five minutes later they both return and sit down at their seats. The teacher asks Tommy "Well, did you find it?" Tommy is quick with his reply: "Oh sure, he just had his boxer shorts on backwards."
Jokes
1,454 Clicks

by: racing152   (04/20/2004)

A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver looked at the child and blurted out, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" Infuriated, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong. "The bus driver insulted me," she fumed. The man sympathized and said, "Why, he shouldn't say things to insult passengers. He could be fired for that." "You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind!" "That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."
Jokes
1,453 Clicks

by: Clutz234   (11/09/2004)

There was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking his beer, minding his own business when all of a sudden this great big dude comes in and -- WHACK!! -- knocks him off the bar stool and onto the floor.
The big dude says, "That was a karate chop from Korea."
The little guy thinks "GEEZ," but he gets back up on the stool and starts drinking again when all of a sudden -- WHACK!! -- the big dude knocks him down AGAIN.
This time he says, "That was a judo chop from Japan."
So the little guy has had enough of this... He gets up, brushes himself off and quietly leaves. The little guy is gone for an hour or so when he returns.
Without saying a word, he walks up behind the big dude and -- WHAM!!!" -- knocks the big dude off his stool, knocking him out cold!!! The little guy looks at the bartender and says, "When he gets up, tell him that's a crowbar from Sears."
Jokes
1,453 Clicks

by: gijane0069   (10/31/2004)

The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?" "OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the prisoner in the prison." And then they made love for the first time. Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction. Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped." Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him." After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes. But the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!" The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently born foal. Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted. She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again." Limply turning his head, he yells at her, "Hey, it's not a life sentence, OKAY!?"
Jokes
1,453 Clicks


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