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by: Austin4590 (06/02/2004)

Denis Leary - "Most people think life sucks, and then you die. Not me. I beg to differ. I think life sucks, then you get cancer, then your dog dies, your wife leaves you, the cancer goes into remission, you get a new dog, you get remarried, you owe ten million dollars in medical bills but you work hard for thirty five years and you pay it back and then one day you have a massive stroke, your whole right side is paralyzed, you have to limp along the streets and speak out of the left side of your mouth and drool but you go into rehabilitation and regain the power to walk and the power to talk and then one day you step off a curb at Sixty-seventh Street, and BANG you get hit by a city bus and then you die. Maybe."
1,199 Clicks

by: NetSurffer8 (03/13/2004)

G'day mates, Steve Urwin here...If you are just tuning in, we were just about to capture this king cobra. See how its neck flaps flare up as it gets nervous...Now to capture it, I will have to grab it and squeeze it very hard to subdue it. Then I will have to kiss it. Before I do, I will irritate it with this kitchen fork. *poke poke* alright, now I grab it and- Crikey! me arm!!! *BEEEEEEEEEEEEP* This station is undergoing some technical difficulties, please stand by.
1,198 Clicks

by: matthogan775 (04/19/2004)

"The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war. Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever see that little Swiss Army knife they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon there. Corkscrews, Bottle openers. 'Come on, buddy, let's go. You get past me, the guy in back of me, he's got a spoon. Back off. I've got the toe clippers right here.'"
- Jerry Seinfeld
1,197 Clicks

by: bizzoony (03/26/2006)

Dear Nelly,
Not only does no one know your first name, but I would greatly appreciate it if you stopped making songs that have to do with removing articles of clothing. I can no longer make an innocent comment about the rising tempurature without someone yelling "SO TAKE OFF ALL YOUR CLOTHES!!!"
Second, Why did you join up with Tim McGraw and do a COUNTRY SONG!? What ever happened to the band-aid-wearing, bling-carrying, retard-punching Nelly that everyone liked?! Now you go and make a pathetic song about a dude that looses his girl friend, so he goes and sings about it with a COUNTRY SINGER?! Jesus man, you sure have lost everything, including your balls.
Lastly, I walked into Home Depot the other day, and i dont know if was just a creepy bad omen, but when i entered the "Back Yard Grills" Section of the store, your latest song popped onto the speakers. You have no idea how awkward it is to scan the walls of grills when you hear "Lemme see your girll!" echoing around you. Lastly, I want you to find the baby-eating freak who compared himself to George Forman for selling people braces for their mouth! Is my dentist George Forman, is the store clerk at Home Depot George Forman? I punched the store clerk in the face and knocked him out, does that make me Mike Tyson?! I BIT OFF THE EAR OFF MY 5TH GRADE TEACHER, AM I MIKE TYSON!?!?!?!?!!!!

P.S. May I have your autograph?
1,197 Clicks

by: Pixiestx15 (03/24/2004)

Next on the Martha Stewart show: How to liven up your jail cell... and later on we'll talk about this year's color - ORANGE. Stripes are making a comeback, too!
1,195 Clicks

by: ocs (05/25/2004)

"Nigga, is you crazy?!" - Chris Rock
1,195 Clicks

by: spngebobshalldie (07/08/2004)

Fact: Pam Anderson was the most buoyant lifeguard....
1,195 Clicks

by: Merlin (07/29/2004)

I think, therefore I am. I think.
~George Carlin
1,195 Clicks

by: woot (11/21/2004)

"Think about it...religion has actually CONVINCED people...that there's an invisible man! LIVING IN THE SKY! And this invisible man has a list of ten things he does NOT want you to do! And if you do ANY of these ten things, He has a special place where He will send you, full of fire, and burning, and anguish, where you will suffer, and burn, and scream, and cry forever and ever until the end of time.........but He loves you!"
-George Carlin
1,195 Clicks

by: DaRKeRDuDe555 (12/17/2005)

The ribbon on my wrist says do not open untill Christmas
-Fall Out Boy
1,195 Clicks

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