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Today we salute you, stressed out college student, during exam week. As you sit in your lonely cubical in the library, doped up on Starbucks & Aderol, you think to yourself, 'am I ever going to need to know this stuff in life?' The distractions are tempting and you have suddenly diagnosed yourself with ADD along with advanced delusionary schizophrenia with involuntary narcissistic rage. I'm sure by now you know exactly what everyone is doing because you have checked your buddy list 800 times. Christmas break is just days away, and your Prozac prescription will be in tomorrow. So crack open an ice cold Bud Light after that last exam, because for most of us, Christmas will be spent in rehab.
The Art of 10-minute Paper Writing:
1. Skim over the required reading (2 minutes)
2. Creative procrastination (5 minutes)
3. "Deep" thought (1 minute)
4. Regurgitation of said "deep" thought onto computer (2 minutes)
5. Save as... (Effortless)
6. Print (Thank god it's over)
Now you may resume gaming or sleeping, whichever just lost 10 minutes of your attention...
It has commenced...finals week is upon us in full force, seizing what sanity I have left after a menacing term. The thought of a pure, Utopian society has faded while (name of your school) has captured the last breath of any rational existence and conquered our self-worth. In coming days it is likely to see a plethora of unpleasant faces staring into an oblivion that can only be experienced by the (name of your school) society. The underlying profligacy in which this institution so loves to put forth has taken a toll on our already feeble carcasses, in result of consuming repulsive dining hall rations. The possibility of survival is a distant notion...God help us all...
Calvin: Boy, I hate school assignments! Mis Wormwood is out to destroy my life!
Hobbes: What do you have to do?
Calvin: Make a leaf collection! What a dumb waste of time!
Hobbes: How many do you need?
Calvin: 50! I gotta collect 50 leaves!
Calvin: And just when I thought of a loophole, the teacher said every leaf has to be a different kind.
Hobbes: Shes got your number.
Hobbes: When do you need to present your leaf collection?
Calvin: In two weeks.
Hobbes: That's not so bad. You just need three or four leaves a day.
Calvin: I'm not working on weekends.
Hobbes: Ok, five leaves a day.
Calvin: And my weekdays are booked until next thursday at 6 PM!
Hobbes: So you need 50 leaves in an hour...
Calvin: I told you it was impossible!!
Creative names for school food:
1. Shit on a shingle: Pizza
2. Turds and Worms: Spaghetti
3. Wet Weenies on a Bun: Hot Dogs
4. Foreskins on Toast: Beef and mushroom soup on toast.
5. Shitty Joe on the Rocks: School Food
High School--Living Hell
The sparks. The flame. The intensity. It was all so much. There was so much chemistry between us. So, we got really close. Things got really heated. I mean, the chemistry!!! It was so amazing!
So we wrote a lab report...
I am intellectually masturbating
Backpack, Check. Books, Check. Lunchbox, Check. Vodka, Check. Homework,
Stop talking to me, I'm gonna be late for skool!
My parents always ask me how school was. It's like, ummm... going to work without getting paid, or being locked in a building full of criticizing people and eating crap for lunch. How do you think it was?
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