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by: Monidee   (12/17/2005)

Frank Costanza: Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reached for the last one they had, but so did another man. As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way.
Cosmo Kramer: What happened to the doll?
Frank Costanza: It was destroyed. But out of that a new holiday was born . . . a Festivus for the rest of us!
Cosmo Kramer: That must've been some kind of doll.
Frank Costanza: She was.
1,444 Clicks

by: homersimpson235   (05/06/2008)

Stewie: So, what happened sport? Come on, talk to your pal Stewie.
Brian: Alright, but only because I've gotta tell somebody. I pretty much just threw myself at Lois.
Stewie: So, you finally did it huh? Well look Brian, as your friend, I should tell you that that vagina is ground zero man. I mean I just wrecked that thing on the way out, and just to be a jerk, I carved "Brooks was here" in the wall. Did you see that? Did you see "Brooks was here."
Brian: We didn't have sex.
Stewie: Of course with Chris going before me I pretty much just walked outta there. Didn't even have to stoop over. There was even room to twirl a cane as I strolled.
Brian: You're exaggerating.
Stewie: Only a little bit! That's the messed up thing.

-Family Guy
1,429 Clicks

by: random33   (08/23/2006)

Rocco: [shouts] F@#k it! There's so much shit that pisses me off! You guys should recruit, because I'm sick and f@#ing tired of walking down the street, waiting for one of these crack-piping, ass-wiping, motherless lowlifes to get me!
Murphy: Hallelujah, Jaffar.
Rocco: Wait, so you're not just talking about mob guys, right? You're talking about pimps and drug dealers and all that shit, right?
Connor: Oh, yeah.
Rocco: F@#k. You guys could do this every goddamn day!
Murphy: We're sorta like 7-Eleven. We're not always doing business, but we're always open.
Connor: That is nicely put
The Boondock Saints
1,427 Clicks

by: lilshowty   (03/06/2006)

We need some help Finding Nemo because he swam off to Madagascar and encountered the Ice Age. Then, White Chicks Bent it Like Becham. After that, Charlies Angels met up with Charlie in his Chocolate Factory where they found The Notebook. This just happened to be The Princess Diaries, and it clearly stated that Nemo could be found at Rush Hour, after they Saved The Last Dance. Nemo was then re-united with his Big Daddy while they were Bringing Down The House. They bought their food from Pirates in the Carribean, because it was Cheaper By The Dozen. Then, some Mean Girls stole their food because they owed some Gangs In New York. It was Eight Below in Madagascar (because of the Ice Age) when the Nutty Professor went to Big Momma's House. And that, is how Nemo was found, and Napoleon Dynamite was born.
1,425 Clicks

by: DKMster   (08/21/2007)

Bill Engvall: (finishing off "Here's Your Sign")
But the best one... The best one I've seen yet happened in Los Angeles, California. I got stuck behind a big rig that wedged his trailer up underneath an overpass and me and the trucker are waiting on the side of the road on the tow truck driver. Well, the highway patrolman pulls up and looks at the guy's rig and he looks at the trucker and I'm thinking, "Oh, Dear God, he can't say it," 'cause I'll start laughing. Sure enough, he goes, "You get your truck stuck?" And God bless this trucker, without missing a beat, he goes: "Nope. I was delivering that overpass and I ran out of gas. Here's your sign."

-Blue Collar Comedy Tour: The Movie
1,425 Clicks

by: ??????????   (11/27/2007)

Stan: Jimmy can you go talk to Wendy for me. And be poetic. Actually, tell her she's a continuing source of inspiration for me.

Jimmy: Wendy, Stan says you're a cont, cont, cont,...

Wendy: Well tell Kyle to f**k off

Jimmy: Cont, cont, continuing source of inspiration for him.

Stan: What did she say?

Jimmy: She just walked off.

~South Park
1,424 Clicks

by: jackbootiemommys   (03/06/2004)

There was me, that is Alex, and my three droogs, that is Pete, Georgie Boy and Dim. And we sat in the Korova Milk Bar trying to make up our rassoodocks what to do with the evening. The Korova Milk Bar sold milk plus - milk plus vellocet or synthemesc or drencrom which is what we were drinking. This would sharpen you up and make you ready for a bit of the old Ultra-Violence.
- A Clockwork Orange
1,423 Clicks

by: neddyt   (07/20/2006)

Pat Sajak: Alright Peter, you've made it to the bonus round. Congratulations!
Peter: Thanks Regis.
Pat Sajak: Okay, the category is actor and show, so we need five consonants and a vowel.
Peter: Uhh, ok… Uhhmmm… Z, 4, Q (slight pause), another Q, uhhh… a third Q and the batman symbol.
Pat Sajak: OK no help there, umm… 15 seconds if you want to take a shot at it, talk it out.
Peter: Is it Alex Karras in Webster?
Pat Sajak: (slowly) I don't believe it.
Peter: Oh my god, I just took a shot in the dark! Holy crap!!

-Family Guy
1,421 Clicks

by: Dan   (01/12/2007)

Things I Learned From Family Guy:

-A Quahog is a clam
-Firetrucks are red
-Dogs and babies can talk, listen to them
-Death is no good with the ladies
-Nudists are people too
-When you are beautiful, doors magically open for you
-Don't take coupons from giant chickens
-Greased up guys are impossible to catch
-Don't accept popsicles from old men
- Evil monkeys aren't as evil as they look
-Pimples are very evil
- Purgatory isn't great, but it's not bad either
- Everything works out if you do whatever you want
- Don't trust people in checkered suits
- Don't buy volcano insurance
- You can't eat a stapler
- TV is freakin' sweet
- Petitions actually work
1,421 Clicks

by: Kenacious K   (12/17/2005)

Chief Wiggum: You can have these fireworks I've confiscated. Some Chinese people claimed they were celebrating New Years in February.
Homer: Oh yeah. Those guys and their crazy scams.
-The Simpsons
1,420 Clicks

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